Quality time with Jesus

Wow... it has been a while since I've posted anything on here - life just gets pretty busy sometimes, I guess. And I've never wanted to post anything on here just for the sake of putting up a post.

Lately, however, I've been thinking and reading about God's affection for us individually, and for us as the church; the body of Christ. It is good to focus on the theology of the gospel, as it is through the gospel that our minds are renewed and we are transformed into the likeness of Jesus. But in focusing on the theology, it can be easy to forget the significance and nature of our relationship with God. Because that's just what it is: a relationship! Whilst sorting through a box of old papers and mementos I've kept through my walk with God - notebooks, scribblings of great bible verses and quotes, notes taken from sermons, and prayers written from the heart - I came across a quote I pulled out of a book I read years ago by Joanna Weaver, 'Having a Mary heart in a Martha world':

"What an amazing thought that Christ wants to spend quality time with me. 

That he looks forward to our time together, and misses when I don't show up... 

A relationship doesn't just happen. It has to be nurtured, protected, and loved."

How true this is! When I compare this to my marriage with Marty (which I'm comfortable doing, because it is biblically a reflection of the church's relationship with Jesus), I suddenly understand the importance of time spent with God. I know that Marty and I struggle and we feel distant when we haven't had enough quality time together in a while. We will make it a priority, and even turn down invitations to hang out with other friends, or attend parties, if it means we can have that time to build our relationship.

Time spent with God is important - we know that - but to think about how much God wants to spend time with us transforms it from a duty ("I should do it...") to a delight ("I get to do it...").  It is no longer another item on the to-do list, but instead becomes something I get to do each day. We get to sit in the presence of the God of the universe, relating to him as our heavenly Father! We can pour out our anxieties, our pain, our joys, our grief, our hopes and our dreams to him, knowing not only that he cares, but also that He has the power to do something about it and He knows - with infinite wisdom - what is best for us, even when we don't. We know that when we open God's Word, it is living and active, and God can speak to our hearts directly through the words on those pages, if only we will stop and listen for a little while. And we know that when we delight ourselves in Him, he will give us the desires of our hearts, meaning he will transform our desires so that they align more perfectly with His.

What a joy it is (and I hope it will continue to be) to spend time in the presence of our Creator and sustainer.

Finding my green thumb

This afternoon I spent some time outside getting my hands dirty. I went to the nursery and bought some peas and rocket to plant in pots - I think it's time I tried my hand at growing veggies, and these two seem safe enough to start with. While I was at it, I also broke down some pieces of bark by hand to make a mulch (why buy the stuff if you can source it from the garden?! If these go well, I might work my way up to growing full lettuces and broccoli. Not a lot else is in season that we use often enough in the kitchen. Fingers crossed, we might have some produce to eat in a few weeks time! There's something lovely about the idea of eating something straight from the garden - benefitting directly from your own hard work and ongoing care, and appreciating how amazing the Lord's creation is.

These are my existing plants, looking a lot happier with a little TLC, 

and a relocation to a slightly sunnier spot.

Parsley, oregano, rosemary,
succulents, and a chrysanthemum.

And my little yellow roses.

Only God can touch the heart

In talking to one of my friends lately, I've discovered the reality that we as Christians can (and should) be faithful in speaking to others about Jesus, but only God can change their heart. I find this frustrating, and yet liberating, all at the same time. It's frustrating because I care so much for these girls, and want them to 'get it'; I want to see them come to know Christ as their Lord and Saviour, not just believe in His existence. Even Satan believes God exists.

But I trust in God's sovereignty, and this is why I feel liberated. I don't need to worry if I'm not eloquent in explaining the Bible; I don't need to be the world's next Billy Graham to see people saved. God is the one who does all of the saving, and He is also the one who works in the hearts of those He draws to himself. I am merely an instrument in his hand. There seems to be a point where theological reasoning can only get us so far. There is a big element of faith involved - which is a heart issue - and only God has control over that.

Perhaps through this frustration, God is humbling me and teaching me what it means to be the tool and not the craftsman. It means getting on my knees in prayer before I open my mouth to say a word. And to seek after the Lord to join his mission, rather than trying to embark on my own.

Revisiting our priorities

The sunset on the way home from Wagga Wagga

Sometimes what God wants for us can be very easy to discern - he very clearly tugs on our heart strings, giving us that 'gut instinct' that what we are choosing is the right thing to do. But other times... I don't know... he seems to withhold from us, like a wise parent, knowing that the process of deciding will be more beneficial for us than the outcome of the decision itself. That's what God seems to have been doing for us lately. And while it is completely frustrating in the short-term, coming out of the other side I can see His hand at work.

To keep it concise, Marty has been in a very stressful work situation for the past 9-10 months, and a move to regional NSW has sounded very appealing. He was offered a great job in Wagga Wagga, and was due to go to a final interview today at 11.30am. We went down on the weekend to have a look around, get a feel for the area and see if it's somewhere we could see ourselves living. By the world's standards, everything was fitting into place and it was a very simple decision to make. We could have bought a 3 bedroom house on a half-acre block; he would've had a 25 minute commute to work through beautiful countryside; and we would've had a much more relaxed pace of life. Just what everyone wants, right?

But having this all laid out in front of us meant that we were also given the opportunity to refine and crystalise what our core priorities are. I like lists. And so I found it most helpful to make one of what our top priorities are, and we came up with this: 

1) God, and serving him with our lives

2) Our marriage

3) Our family

4) Our friends

Once we had done this, I realised that they are all people-centred priorities. Owning a house and living a comfortable life don't even make the list! And God never commanded us to do either of them. But he does command us time and time again to love people, and I think that's a love-in-action kind of love. God has given us so many excellent opportunities at this point in our lives to minister to individuals around us, and to move now - for us - I think would be to throw them back in God's face, saying that we'd rather the kinds of opportunities that fit in with what we think ministry should look like.

Marty came at it from a different angle. He felt that it was important to ask what our situation would look like from an outsider's perspective (Christian, of course). What - in our situation - would faithfulness to God look like; faithfulness in work, in relationships, in finances, in home life, in our marriage..? If we were able to remove ourselves from our circumstances and look at it objectively, what path would be most God-glorifying? [I love how God guides each of us differently, but brings us both to the same conclusion. I guess that's one of the joys of marriage under Christ. He unites two different people by his Spirit, and uses us to shape and refine one another through times like these.]

Don't get me wrong. We've had lots of friends move away who are very godly, wise and mature people, and I am confident that God is using them to influence people where they are. But for us I know that God wouldn't want us to cut short the relationships we have been cultivating with particular people who need to know him, for the sake of meeting our own selfish desires. It has been one of those big life-decisions that could have gone either way, and yes, God will use us wherever we are, but he has also blessed us immeasurably in so many ways. We are trusting that he has been guiding us this far and that He will continue to guide us as long as we seek after him.

Marty showed me this passage on Saturday, and it was when I read it that I was completely at rest with what we had decided to do.

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. 

If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 

For everything in the world - the cravings of sinful man, 

the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does - 

comes not from the Father but from the world. 

The world and its desires pass away, 

but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

1 John 2:15-17

Suffering = Sanctification

As I was praying this morning, I was reminded of the passage in 1 Peter about God's purpose in trials and suffering. I strongly felt the Spirit prompting me to look it up because it is so relevant to both Marty and I in each of our unique trials at the moment. I love it when God speaks through His word like that, and I can't get enough of reading it! Here it is...

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while 

you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

These have come so that your faith 

- of greater worth than gold, which perishes 

even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine 

and may result in praise, glory and honour 

when Jesus Christ is revealed...

 for you are receiving the goal of your faith, 

the salvation of your souls."

[1 Peter 1:6-7,9]

It is such a wonderful passage because it highlights so many truths:

1 |  Our suffering is only temporary. 

      God will carry us through it, and will bring us out the other side.

2 | When we come out the other side we will not be the same as we were beforehand. 

     He is refining our faith, just like gold is refined through fire.

3 | Our faith is God's priority. 

     He wants us to be growing and to be refined so that we are conformed to the likeness of Christ.

4 | The gospel doesn't end with us. 

     If it ended with us, we would be tempted to get puffed up with pride. 

     Instead, the culmination of all of our suffering and refinement is that God will be glorified when Jesus is  

     revealed.

I find it so encouraging amidst trials to read this and understand that there is purpose in what I'm going through, and that God is working perhaps even more intensively than if things were a lot easier for me. Looking back on seasons of my walk with God, I am most grateful for the times of trial and suffering because I can now see that it was in those times that I grew the most; that I was forced to my knees in submission to God's will, and I learned how to really, truly trust my Heavenly Father. Nothing compares to these times, and if God's priority is that we keep growing in our faith, then we should expect them, anticipate them, and rejoice in them because the Lord has our full attention and can work most powerfully in us through them.

"In the daytime there are stars in the heavens, 

but they only shine at night.

And the deeper that I go into darkness,

The more I see their radiant light.

So let me learn that my losses are my gain,

To be broken is to heal,

That the valley's where your power is revealed."

['In the Valley', Sovereign Grace]

Praying in true repentance

Lately I've noticed that I rarely recognise and truly repent of my sins. If I am to be truly honest, I have a pretty poor perception of how sinful I really am. Often my sins are not overtly noticeable to others - I sneakily make sure that my actions seem pure on the outside - so it's easier to get away with it. Often I can't even see them in myself! But at the heart level, my motives can be so repulsive to God. And to be honest, I rarely acknowledge this.

We are so frequently told that Jesus died once for all of our sins - which is true - but I think this allows me to settle into a level of complacency that is unhelpful, if not destructive. When was the last time you actively sat down and listed your sins to God? Sins of omission, or commission, of actions, of thoughts, and of motives? While Jesus has died and risen in our place, paying the penalty we should have paid for our sinfulness, we still need to be repenting daily in order to grow in righteousness and to develop a deeper and richer relationship with the Lord.

So even though it's not as attractive as praying in thanks, praise, and petition, we should not neglect the important step of confession as we fall at our Heavenly Father's feet. Perhaps the best place to start is by asking the Spirit to reveal the repulsive things in us that we can't necessarily see.

Then we shall see in full

"The heavens declare the glory of God;

The skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;

Night after night they reveal knowledge.

They have no speech, they use no words;

No sound is heard from them.

Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, 

Their words to the ends of the world."

[Psalm 19:1-4]

I love how God reveals himself to us through his wonderful creation. It's easy to see on beautiful days like today was (in Sydney, at least) that the heavens certainly do declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the work of his hands! God is gracious and merciful to those of us who might doubt his existence or majesty by creating such a beautiful world in which he makes his glory known.

I went on a bike ride through the national park with my Dad on Wednesday and while it was exhausting, I'm glad we did it. At one point, we were riding for quite a while up one of the hills, and as we reached the top to stop for a drink we noticed a beautiful view over the valley through the trees. So I took the opportunity to take a few photos and take it in as we took a little breather. The view made the climb to the top of that hill worthwhile.

But then we hopped on our bikes again only to find that 50 metres further up the road was an even more spectacular view - not through a tiny peephole created by the surrounding trees, but an almost 180 degree view over the valley. And it was gorgeous. (The photo from my phone doesn't do it justice!) The warm sun flooded the folds in the earth, giving life to the foliage as it smiled back up towards it.

As we rode on, this got me wondering what it'll be like once we finally leave this broken, bruised earth, and get to meet Jesus face to face in Heaven. Don't you think we'll be thinking, "What the heck were we so excited about earth for?! This is incredible!"? At the moment all we see is a small display of God's power through his creation, yet it is fallen, and we are sinful. But when we reach heaven, we will see Jesus in his full splendour, through pure, sinless eyes. I look forward to that day, and I'm amazed to wonder - if this is the limit of our imagination; if this is all we know of how beautiful creation can be, then how indescribably spectacular must Heaven be?

"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. 

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

[1 Corinthians 13:12]

Who do you say that I am?

Sometimes as Christians, Jesus can become so familiar to us that we can no longer see him for who he really is. I've been reading Mark Driscoll's 'Vintage Jesus', in order to look at him with fresh eyes and hopefully to improve my ability to convey his uniqueness and his majesty to those who don't yet know him. My quiet time today involved looking up claims that Jesus made about himself, drawn from chapter 1, 'Is Jesus the Only God'. They got me excited, so I thought I'd share them.

Jesus claims:
...he came down from heaven. No other religious figure has claimed to come from heaven, only to have visited temporarily.
(see John 6:38)

...he isn't just a 'good teacher'.
(see Mark 10:17-18)

...he is the Son of Man; the fulfilment of prophecy.
(see Matthew 5:17)

...he performed miracles. Opponents of Jesus outside Scripture even testify to his miracles.
(see John 10:36b-39)

...he is God.
(see Matthew 26:63-65)

...he was sinless.
(see John 8:46, 1 Peter 3:18)

...he can forgive sin. All sin is against God, and only he has the right to forgive it.
(see Luke 5:20-21)

...he is the only way to Heaven and eternal life.
(see John 14:6)

In response to Jesus' claims about himself, a response is essential. Jesus was either a 
liar, manipulating vulnerable people by claiming to be able to forgive their sins;
lunatic, claiming to be God even to the point of crucifixion; or 
Lord, deserving our repentance and acceptance as saviour and redeemer.

Hope this is encouraging!

The unwasted life

"The unwasted life is the life that puts 

the infinite value of Jesus on display 

in everything you do." 

John Piper

Yesterday afternoon, as I ploughed through a mountain of ironing, I started watching John Piper's sermon from the 'One' conference held in Sydney in August last year. I haven't had a chance to finish it yet, so I've still got more of it to look forward to. He starts by flipping our question of "why does God allow suffering?" on its head by pointing out that it is only by God's infinite sustaining grace that we will even get to take our next breath! We don't deserve life, and to presume that we are entitled to be spared from the death and suffering that we rightly deserve is folly. 

Piper then goes on to discuss what an unwasted life looks like. It involves magnifying the Lord - like with a telescope to show how 'big' he is. It is our life's purpose to point to Him and demonstrate through our words, our actions, our thoughts, our decisions, how awesome He is and how much we need Him. I think to be honest, the vast majority of us forget this. We don't fear God, as we are commanded in Proverbs 9:10, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." Instead we slot God into a 'comfortable' compartment of our lives, only talking to others about him in a manner and at a time that suits us. What if, for example, I were open to hear the Holy Spirit's prompting as I spoke to my non-christian friends? Would the conversation look any different to what it does presently? Would I be more bold about telling the truth of the gospel in its entirety, rather than emphasising all of the 'God loves you' parts over the bits about God's wrath and condemnation? Would I be more urgent in expressing that we only have two paths to choose from, and only one of them leads to life? 

I'm not advocating that we necessarily start using a 'turn or burn' methodology, but just wondering if there are enough Christians out there presenting the gospel in its entirety, expressing the full extent of its powerful message, not just relying on 'evangelism-by-living-by-example'? I guess the perfect model of this would be Jesus - tough but tender. He knows exactly how to use tough words to produce soft hearts, and love is in everything he says and does even when it may seem harsh. 

I pray that God gives us the wisdom to discern how to do this, and the faith to trust that by his Spirit he will give us the words we need when we need them.

Speak Lord, for your servant is listening

We heard a sermon at my brother's church based on 1 Samuel 3, the story of God speaking to Samuel while he was sleeping three times before he realised it was God and was ready to listen. I was a little worried about the content of the sermon when the pastor was opening up our minds about how we can all hear from God, and that we just need to listen. Thankfully he clarified in the second half of the sermon that we need to exercise discernment to know if it is in fact God speaking. If we are not discerning enough, we could read into any thought, idea, or 'sign', and claim it were from God.

I thought I'd share the four ways to find out if it is God's voice (based on Bill Hybels' book, The Power of a Whisper):

1) Pray. Ask God if it is really from him.

2) Is it Scriptural? Make sure you know the scriptures well so that you can discern this.

3) Is it wise? Make sure you weigh this according to God's wisdom, not the world's wisdom.

4) Is it in tune with my own character?

5) What do people you most trust think about it? i.e. people who you know fear the Lord and will challenge you if necessary.

I pray that God opens my ears to hear his voice and to honestly say what Samuel said, verse 9 "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening".

It is well with my soul

"When peace like a river attendeth my way

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, You have taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my soul"

Horatio Spafford, 1873

It's easy when we are young in our faith to say, 'I trust that God has the perfect plan for me'. But it becomes more difficult to say this when we face challenges and realise that God's plan might not actually entail all that we had in mind. It's a time like this for me at the moment, and while it would be tempting to throw it all in and think that God doesn't care, or mustn't exist at all, I can feel God holding on to me tightly because these thoughts don't stay for long. Instead the Spirit is challenging me to trust that even though the plans I have set out for myself might seem to be wonderful, they might not happen, and God has something even better in store for me. This requires me to relinquish the control I thought I had over my life and give it to the Lord in a much more real way than ever before.

It must seem absurd to a non-Christian that I would continue to trust in a God who doesn't give me what I want when I want it... Why should I pledge allegiance to a God who seems so unfair? But I know that seeking after God was never going to be an easy road. It wasn't always going to make sense. And I can't always see what's ahead of me. But that's the very essence of trust.

I can trust in God's character because he has shown time and time again through my life so far that he is wise, he is just, he is compassionate, and he is love. My heavenly Father knows what is best for me, and that is to grow in depth of faith and love with Him. He is teaching me that nothing else matters in comparison. 

Humble and Bold I approach...

I've been challenged lately by Marty about how I pray. He has helped me to realise that I have learned to pray with humility, "Your will be done", but for so long have neglected to pray with boldness, "Give us today...". I know God as my sovereign Lord, but I don't think I fully understand him as my generous Father. Perhaps I am all too aware of my own failings and shortcomings before God, and still need to learn what his forgiveness entails.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:  ). I can read this verse so many times, and still draw something new from it! We can so easily read it as "Delight yourself in the Lord so that he will give you the desires of your heart", but this is an attitude of manipulation and selfish ambition. It is a way of trying to fit God into our plan for our lives, not allowing him to guide us with His. In light of this I have been convicted to pray with humility; allowing God to transform and guide me; walking behind him, not trying to be ahead.

Since grappling with this concept, I am coming to realise that humility is not all that is called for in how we relate to God. He is our heavenly Father, and he wants us to depend on him by asking him for things in faith that He will give us what we need. It's not enough for me to dwell in my wretchedness and sin before God. He wants me to understand his forgiveness and my new identity in Christ as his daughter clothed in righteousness! In this position I can approach the throne boldly and express the desires of my heart to the Lord.

Praise God for his forgiveness, acceptance, and generosity. He has the power to transform our hearts and the wisdom to guide us.

Where the heart is

Over the past couple of weeks Marty and I have been forced to reevaluate our priorities, to the point where I've actually quit my job over it.

I've been working in sales for 5 months and have had to work most weekends, meaning that I have seen less of Marty than ever in our relationship, and have seen my parents and friends so infrequently that I feel very distant. It is a good job and pays well, but I was starting to reconsider how important it is for us to buy a place to live, and at what cost to our relationship with one another, with others, and with God? With a roster that consumes my weekends and is very inconsistent and unpredictable, I haven't been able to commit to many things outside of work, and ministry has been ineffective (if not non-existent).

So we committed it to God in prayer, and thankfully he answered quite quickly and with a 'yes', not a 'wait'. I got a call last week from the art director of Hi-5, where I completed my design internship last year, asking if I'd be available to fill in for her costume and props designers who are unable to work on this season of filming. It is the exact position I know I'd be happy in, and I'd get my weekends back! The only downside it that it is short-term (3 months) and we will have to find something afterwards. But God provides. I know he has something in store for us.

This decision to take the job has caused us to trust in God and not to put our trust in the 'security' of owning a home. It means that we will have more time to invest in relationships, which are more eternally significant anyway. Praise God for his provision, and amidst that, his desire to teach us to fully trust in Him.

And here's to a fun three months ahead!

The Beginning of Wisdom

Over the past few months I've been using my time driving to and from work by listening to sermons downloaded from Mars Hill church, and I'm so grateful for those precious times because I so often find that they spiritually prepare me for the day and help me to get a bit of perspective as I travel home. I definitely recommend it if you're a commuter! Much more edifying than the radio.

Anyway, the other day I listened to one on Proverbs (in particular, wisdom). Mark Driscoll was explaining Proverbs 111:10,

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom..." 

and he helped me to see it in a new light. In the past I have heard this proverb but have never delved into the meaning and practicality of it. I just thought 'Yeah, that sounds right. Good point.' Mark pointed out that the opposite to wisdom is foolishness, and the motivations behind foolishness and wisdom are what truly set them poles apart. The motivation behind foolishness is the fear of man; in childhood this is called peer-pressure, in adulthood it is people-pleasing. If we are putting other people on the throne which rightly belongs to God, we start doing foolish things. We do whatever it takes for others to say to us "Well done, good and faithful servant." But when it all boils down, we are using these people to make ourselves feel better and to bring affirmation to ourselves. That's foolish.

On the other hand, the fear of the Lord causes us to act with humility. It gives us a better perspective to see that God is the only one who deserves the glory, and we exist not to be praised, but to praise Him! When we really understand this, that's when we start becoming wise. This shows that we don't need to have instant gratification from our peers; we are willing to be patient, to run the race, and to wait for God to welcome us home with open arms because we have trusted in His grace.

As a result of having wisdom, we no longer use people, but instead we love them. A wise friend will not avoid giving or receiving a rebuke because they want their friends to always like them. They will love their friends by pointing them towards Jesus and encouraging them in sanctification. A wise person will not shy away from talking about Jesus to their workmates because they would rather be liked than judged. They will understand that on the Day of Judgement they will be accountable to a powerful and Almighty God, and not to man.

Easter watered down

One of the girls at work today was telling us how she and her family had had seafood yesterday, as it was Good Friday, and they hadn't eaten any red meat. She said it would have made her Nanna who has passed away proud. It made me think of the depth of God's sadness that his children would water down the meaning of Easter - the incredible display of God's love through the death, burial and resurrection of his son for our redemption - to eating fish, chocolate bunnies and easter eggs. He gave so much for us, and so many people had misinterpreted and twisted it to become something as far as possible from the truth. I'm not sure where the tradition came from, but it seems that eating fish on Good Friday (similar to many other Christian traditions) have lost the association with anything meaningful and have become a hollow form of lip-service to 'religion'.

How sad that God is left out of the picture of such a monumental time of year. I hope and pray that you do something to remember God's love demonstrated in Jesus on the cross.

God's Guidance

I'm seeking God's guidance in many areas of my life at the moment, and I have to be honest - I wish he was more direct in his methods of letting me know what to do! I've noticed over the past few weeks of prayer that God doesn't (in my experience) guide through a booming voice in the sky. He has instead been guiding me very much through online sermons (to the point where I wonder if Mark Driscoll has been hanging out in the corner of our house, observing what's going on!). I've also felt his guidance through conviction and through conversation with other Christians.

How do I know it's Him? I guess weighing it up with the Scriptures is key, but a lot of the time is too co-incidental to be a co-incidence! I'll be asking God to show us how to handle work outside the home, balancing it with work inside the home, and the next day I listen to a sermon online that targets that exact issue... God certainly does work in mysterious ways, but He also reveals that mystery to us if our hearts are soft and ready to listen to what he has to say.

It's my prayer that God will keep our hearts soft in all things so that we are open to his guidance and willing to face conviction... to hear Him even in the silence.

Being There

I've heard it said (it was probably at the cheesy end of a movie) that 90% of being a good parent is simply showing up. I think its the same of marriage. There are inevitably going to be times in marriage - when things go wrong, when one of us stuffs something up, or when one of us receives some terrible news - when there is nothing you can say... you just have to be there for one another. It's in these times that words cannot express sorrow nor can they heal wounds. We just need to know we're there for one another. Sometimes silence can be more soothing than any words, as long as there is a hand to hold in the darkness.

Its in these times that I realise most clearly that I cannot be everything to my husband. Only God is powerful enough to soften his heart, to comfort his weary soul, and to carry the burdens he no longer can bear. Only God can make a difference to the future of such circumstances, and give him assurance that there is indeed hope ahead. These are the times when I can do nothing else but fall to my knees before our Heavenly Father and commit everything to Him in prayer because I have nothing left to offer.

Mary's heart, Martha's skill

Not long ago, Marty and I went to Hornsby to meet with some of the people who lead with us on beach mission in January each year. Originally the meeting was going to be a training event on evangelism, preparing a gospel talk for kids, and things like that. But I felt very strongly convicted that lately (particularly in regards to mission) I have been too much of a ‘Martha’ and not enough of a ‘Mary’ (Luke 10:38-42). I’ve been making myself so busy with plans and preparations that I have neglected to stop, sit at Jesus’ feet and listen to what he has to say. Isn’t it so easy to do? When things aren’t working, we just try harder. When we feel out of control, we take more onto ourselves thinking that we will be able to control it all. When Jesus speaks to Martha, I feel like he’s directly speaking to me, “Martha, Martha…you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.”
So I gathered a small group from our team and we prayed. We looked in depth at several Bible passages on prayer to establish what it is and how we are meant to do it. Prayer is so much more than petition. It is submission to His will and growing the desire to see more of Him and less of ourselves in our lives. When Jesus prayed in Gethsemane, he wasn’t giving him a list of things he wanted. Rather, he was coming before the Father in his greatest hour of distress to seek God and His will in the situation. Prayer should be an outpouring of our desire to grow in our relationship with God. It should draw us closer to God as we seek His will in our lives.
In our little group of 7, we prayed for each other, and we prayed for mission itself, covering it in God’s guidance and protection. We confessed our sins to Him and prayed for those we will be ministering to in January. And honestly, I came away refreshed! I came away with a peace in my heart and a load off my shoulders because I have left my concerns and anxieties at God’s feet. How wonderful it is to know our Creator and sustainer who is able to (and wants to) carry our burdens! It’s a priviledge that should not be taken for granted.

Healthy desire vs. pure idolatry

Something that my husband is well aware of is that I have a particularly strong (and growing) desire to have children. I have always loved kids – their curiosity, their joy, their unconditional love, and just how darn cute they  are! I’ve babysat a lot of kids over the years, and it would be so special one day to be able to raise our kids the way Marty and I want to, instilling our own Christian values in them (something I can’t do with other peoples’ kids). And with several of my close friends starting to have babies, the ‘cluckiness’ just keeps intensifying! (Mum and Dad, don’t get excited, I’m not pregnant. Just wanted to clear that up!)

But this has caused me to question lately, at what point does a desire become idolatry? Modern idols are not carved out of wood or stone – they can be anything… food, sport, success, career, social acceptance, a spouse, a house… They can be something inherently good, but if we choose to put them in the place of God in our hearts, that’s when they are transformed from a desire to a coveted object/idea. (That’s the conclusion I’ve come to anyway). But it can be so difficult to read your own heart sometimes and distinguish where your heart is on that spectrum. Perhaps a good way of gauging it is by asking “what do I spend most of my daydreaming thinking about?”. If it’s the thing you desire, then it’s probably time to re-prioritise and to start praying for God to give you a renewed hunger for Him and for His Word.

I’m still considering whether or not children are an idol for me, but I know that either way I need to be on guard, because Satan is prowling around like a roaring lion, and will try to use anything he can to twist my heart and my priorities away from God. Even if it isn’t, he will try to tempt me with something else in the future and I need to be ready, clothed with the armour of God

Worship: An expression of adoration

Over the past couple of years I have been involved in music at our church, and have consequently had many conversations about how we worship God in this context. I have been surprised at how many people have said to me that they don't know why we sing at church... and yet we do it every week for a decent proportion of the service. To me that's worrying.

So I've been pondering this notion of worship, and I know that worship is much more than singing - it's a life-attitude of glorifying God. But there's something about music that I've always felt is a special way of praising God. I've just struggled to articulate it. I think I can now, so here goes...

As a church we pray in thanks, in confession, and in supplication, but so rarely do we pray in pure adoration of God. Singing as a congregation is an opportunity to drop everything where we are (physically and spiritually) and give God praise for who he is and for what he has done.

It's certainly possible to worship God in other ways, but through the unique tool of music we can focus on God and sacrifice something of ourselves to Him in that moment. And that's just what God wants - our attention. It's like listening to a friend with our full attention. By doing this we are saying through our actions, "You are important enough to me to deserve my undivided attention". God can speak to us, but he wants our attention first so that we are ready to hear his voice.